11 Things I Learned From My Husband’s Deployment
Seattle-Tacoma International Airport (SEA)
11 Things I Learned From My Husband’s Deployment
May 14, 2020
You can also find the Homecoming Vlog on YouTube (see below!).
330 days, 1 terrorist attack, and 1 global pandemic later… Lucas is finally home safe from his 11-month deployment in Afghanistan.
This past year has brought on a copious amount of trials and tribulations to not only Lucas and I, but many others in the world. As I’m writing this, I’m still uncertain on what things will look like in the next few months.
Life has challenged Lucas and I in ways we never would have imagined. We knew the deployment wouldn’t be easy. I mean, when thrusted into a mandatory deployment, you can never fully prepare. You can take as many readiness classes as you want, you can receive all the therapeutic support you can get, but ultimately deployments -- especially first-time deployments -- are filled with the unknown.
Now, take that amount of unknown and uncertainty, and add-on the amount of unknown and uncertainty that comes from a global pandemic on top of that. Yeah… it’s a lot.
However, my parents have raised me to count my blessings. And truthfully, I think that’s the biggest reason why I was able to make it to the other side of this deployment happy, healthy, and stronger than ever.
I’ve learned many lessons over the last few months. As I reflect on all that we’ve been through the past 330 days, I’d like to share about 11 outstanding lessons that we learned from Lucas’ 11 month-long deployment. This entry could potentially be a note to future Gen -- for when she might need to remember how strong she is. On the other hand, maybe you can relate to these lessons, or can learn how to search for these silver linings in your life too.
I Learned…
1. How to Find Peace in Ever-Changing Situations
I’m a planner. I always have been, and maybe always will be for the most part. With that said, you can only imagine how much of an adjustment it was for me to go from being the person designated to plan, to suddenly turn into the person who has to let go of the reins. This deployment has taught me that it’s okay to not be in control, and taught me how to find peace amongst the chaos. I can still remember how distraught I was when we first found out that Lucas “might” be getting deployed back in December 2018. I can still remember the anxiety that consumed me, not knowing what the future had in store. I won’t pretend like I’m some expert at finding peace during every unexpected situation. But I’m proud to say that I’m a lot better at it today than I was yesterday.
2. How to Determine What I Can and Can’t Control
This second lesson very much ties into the first. I believe that in order to conquer the first lesson, there needs to be a thorough understanding of this one. In order to find peace in the unknown, you’ll need to know how to determine what you can and can’t control. No matter how hard you try, you’ll never be able to control what the military has in store for you and your partner, however, you can control your reactions to them. Learning the difference between what’s in your power and what’s not will allow you to be successful at Lesson #1.
3. How to Appreciate the Little Things
Sometimes the things that once annoyed you about your partner (e.g. leaving laundry on the floor, etc), end up being a sentimental reminder of your partner’s presence. There is also a newfound appreciation for time spent together again. At the end of the day, it’s not about the big vacations and celebrations (although these are extra sweet!), it’s about all of the little moments in between that build together -- like holding hands in the car, or making meals for each other.
4. How to Choose Happiness
Constantly looking at the clock until your soldier comes home will make you waste a whole year. Instead, I learned to take this time to work on being my best self. I was able to focus on hobbies that brought me joy, and by the end, I learned how to choose happiness despite the waiting.
5. How to Embrace Emotions
I learned to let myself cry it out, so I can bounce back rather than holding it all in until I would explode. I learned that doing this helped me realize that I had more energy to conquer the day-to-day, whenever I let myself have the space to appropriately grieve for time lost.
6. How to Mail International Packages
Yep, I didn’t know how to mail things internationally prior to Lucas’ deployment. Now I feel like a pro at filling out those custom forms at the post office!
7. How to Live a New Identity
Prior to Lucas’ deployment, the extent to being a military partner from my perspective was figuring out which weekend he had drill. Going from Army Reserves to having Lucas deployed was an intense adjustment, but I’ve learned to happily embrace the role as a military significant other. I’ve adapted a sense of pride -- not everyone receives the chance to show this kind of love to someone else. I’m so proud of the man Lucas has become and is!
8. How to Let Others Support You
In the beginning of this experience, I had a habit of automatically responding, “I’m fine” when others would ask how I was handling the deployment -- even when I wasn’t fine. I learned that I was able to accomplish more on my plate when I was able to determine when I needed support AND when I learned how to let others support me. I was able to distinguish those who would always be in my corner -- amongst the good and bad!
9. How to Share about My Experiences to Others
I learned that I’m definitely not the only person going through a military deployment. I learned that the words that I’ve been using just to document my own memories, can actually have an impact on others who choose to read my stories. I learned that through blogging, YouTube, and/or personal conversations, that allowing myself to be vulnerable about my experiences can grow strength in others too.
10. How to Be Okay with Doing Things Alone
I’d like to think that I’m a pretty independent person, even before the deployment. Once Lucas left, I realized that I was very, very wrong. I depended on Lucas for a lot of things -- from making sure Sherbert’s litter box was always clean (lol), to being my shoulder to cry on when I had a difficult day. At first, I figured that I could just wait to do anything fun until he came home, but he helped me learn that I can still do things that spark joy for me, even if I have to do it on my own. Being alone doesn’t mean you have to be lonely!
11. How to Cultivate Love From a Distance
And lastly, I learned how to cultivate love from a distance. A seemingly daunting task, turned easy when you’ve found the right person. We’re blessed to live in a world where technology can help make the world feel smaller than it really is. I learned that as long as you say “I love you” and “Good morning” every day, despite ANY challenges, everything will be okay.
HUGE thank you to an INCREDIBLY talented friend of mine for capturing all of these photos: Something Minted Photography
You can check out her blog post about this moment of joy here: MILITARY HOMECOMING DURING A PANDEMIC or follow her on Instagram.
You can view a deployment as a stressful, or even traumatic experience. But you can also view a deployment as a challenge for you to overcome alongside your partner.
Grateful for all the lessons that this deployment has taught both Lucas and I the past 11 months. But even more grateful just to have him home safe.
Cheers to our heroes!
Gen
